I'm such a sad little kitty today. I don't know what's wrong

mood: exactly as says... sad
listening to: Gackt - Sayonara

I don't know. After trying to get some sleep since 6 am and having the continuous wake up session and short rest.

Sleep at 6am, wake up 30 to 40 mins later within the hour, sleep at 6:43 am, wake up at 7, sleep at 7 and wake up at 9, sleep at 9 and wake up at 10.

I don't know what it was or what it is but, I think I have a bad case of insomnia. But, it's my senses as well, that are always kicking in and trying to alert me. Well, it's had much success lately.

But, I'm sad. Everyone is getting sick or something like it lately. This year, after all of these deaths are turning out to be the most stupidest and worstest ever.

Nothing is going right with me, I'm quite sick, and the weather is terrible. It hasn't stopped raining and storming over my sorrow's. As I sit here thinking about what to do with this sadness, I think of just about everything and everyone and if this physical health condition of mine will play the same effect as it did with Jasmine. I have had this condition since I was 19 and that was 4 years ago.

But again, as I sit here, I think, with my heart feeling so much like a stone and bringing about pain and my side as well. I wonder if I can last any longer. From that time I had that lonely experience with death, I think he had it in for me but, it was too early to take me away and well, he still wants to take me away so, he left me with a gift. The gift to draw so much people towards me, befriend them, and love them as much as they love me. But, there is always a catch to everything he does and it's never good.

I have been turned towards sadness and sorrowful from the time my heart experienced the breaking session and the feeling of my family leaving me out of the picture and moving on with their lives just as if I have no reason to exist by them, because I'm different and not who they think or expect I should be. But, I have my friends, all of which are you to keep me company and I am grateful. I'd list names but, there's too many of you but, I will say this...

Cass-chan, Yuna-chan, Arya-kun, Sach-chan, and most of all... Keka-chan, my dear. I love each and everyone of you just like as if of course, you were my only family.

But, soon... maybe some time this year, over even before my birthday which is the 27th of next month. Maybe this is my time to pass on and no longer exist from this world.

Need there be more to say? ... ... ...

I have lived on for more than possible with such a condition and I think that as the years go by, it worsens but, silently. I have a silent killer.

I have gone on about me suffering for all eternity and never leaving this world but, I guess my time is finally coming, despite how long of a life line I have upon my wrist that states that I won't be passing for quite some time, yet, for a very long time at that.

I can't help but to think of death all the time. But, because I have happiness here, I can finally move on. I can feel it already as I'm typing this, the pain is returning but, slowly.

I'm lost for words at the moment and can't think anymore...

I have sang my sorrows for all too long... lonely, and stricken for all the time I seem to live. This isn't a suicide so don't think non of it. I've done my share of trying and failed numerously.... repeatedly.

Such a random blog this is, and all because I feel so sad meow!